The other day my daughter said, ‘Daddy, guess who my favorite Stroke is?’ And I thought she was going to say me because, oh man, she loves me so much, and she said: ‘Julian! Because he’s the singer
Nick Valensi
 

Everyone, Kathryn (axisofdicks) wanted me to let you all know that she’s trying to come back and she misses you

Everyone, Kathryn (axisofdicks) wanted me to let you all know that she’s trying to come back and she misses you

 

trvstno1:

No I’m not smiling at you I’m smiling at your dog don’t look at me

 

Is that candy?
Yes, it’s a necklace. Made out of candy. You want one?

 

urinatings:

*precisely determines where I should take the next bite of my sandwich*

 

dogapult:

how come when someone decides to eat only fruits and vegetables people commend them for their “willpower” and “diligence” but when I decide to eat a diet composed entirely of mozzarella sticks and vodka suddenly I’m “out of control” and “putting myself in danger”

 
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